Month: September 2017

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Let’s Rank It!

In the 3rd Edition of Let’s Rank it (which we crushed by the way), we overcame myriad technical difficulties to bring you this archive. Enjoy the show.

• 1) #MonetizeTeens
• 1.5) Ric Flair
• 2) Fire Emoji
• 2.5) Having a row to yourself on an airplane, no matter where on the plane it is, even if its by the bathroom and Adam Boyes backs up the toilet
• 3) Uber blazing Nasty Boys after a pretty 100 day
• 3.10) You’re dreading going to this thing with a friend, and at the last minute they cancel on you.
• 3.11) PUSHA-T YEUGH
• 3.15) The “Text Me” Hat that Dave wears (get it everyone has his phone number).
• 3.18) Max Verstaapen has a major mechanical breakdown in front of his hometown fans and they cry tears that Dave uses to wash down his Pomme Frites with Mayo because they don’t know about ketchup they are savages
• 3.33345) You write a ton of code, and it compiles the first time with no warnings
• 4) Caffeinated Mints
• 4.278) You wake up after a great night’s sleep, it was great, and your mom, who loves you, is making you your fave breakfast
• 4.3) You got to a midnight viewing, for your favorite franchise and you are the only one there, which rules because we are loaners and don’t like people I’m going to die alone
• 4.5) A business zinger that kills the deal, but man, was it funny
• 5) Spaceballs the Movie
• 5.5) You order an HDMI off of Amazon but instead of getting one you get a pallete that you can flip at the flea market not ebay the feds are watching
• 6) Airplane The Movie even with the guys who speak Jive
• 6.5) Haunted Mansion
• 7) Nutella it’s gdlk
• 7.0000001) The first sip from a perfectly chilled Coke, and it’s hot out and you need it
• 7.4) Rum and Coke you thought was chilled water
• 7.5) The crispy top of a blueberry muffin, and spell checking
• 7.75) Star Trek Voyager, the entire series
• 8) Knife Truck that actually exists
• 9) Gameboy Sound on startup
• 9.00011) You get stuck on it’s a small world for 20 min with no music by the Polynesian section of the ride. No music is a huge factor in this being as high as it is.
• 9.1) The concept of diversity
• 9.111111) A fresh squeezed glass of OJ that is a little too much to drink, but you like it regardless.
• 9.12) Being trapped on Pirates for an hour with someone who turns into a girlfriend but someone else is on the ride so it’s not that great.
• 9.34) Your phone drops, flat on its face, you pick it up to find the screen twist isn’t shattered
• 9.5) The smell of electronics heating up, wafting into your nostrils
• 10) Keytar Scrub not showing up and letting Pope blast it out on stage (not his quads)
• 11) Ice Cream Truck
• 11.5) Pokemon Go, and you find your friend is on your team unexpectedly
• 12) Stupid Dog stares at you and it doesn’t even know you or care about you, you need professional help
• 13) Tipping and exerting influence and power over fellow man
• 14) Best Taco Bell you’ve ever had aka Friday
• 14.5) Small fidget spinner that Jeff put in his mouth
• 15) Numbered List In Word not cheap ass google docs or clones
• 16) Windjammers (the sequel you will never), ever get I hate you
• 17) D12 not the rap group
• 18) Rookie of The Year and that handsome lead actor who tapped Tara Reid
• 18.5) Tokyo Drift II3 it sucks
• 18.6) Your friend leaves your WoW guild because you can’t keep up with his level, and then a month from now his ass gets banned for gold farming, just his ass.
• 19) Default iPhone Alarm noise aka wake up youre late
• 19.25) having to go potty, but you’re ensconsed in a warm bed on a cold night, you run to bathroom and tinkly, but then you jump back in bed and have to warm up again.
• 19.5) Darth Vader with two cats
• 19.55) Karma via a co-worker shitting on you but then you get the scoop on them and all the co-workers get what’s going on
• 19.6) Bad Grouch That’s A Green Cookie Monster and has fucked eyes and stuffing that’s bad for you don’t eat it
• 19.667876) Headlock on the reg, but man the dude smells good for once, which is a nice twist
• 19.670) You get a CD in PUBG but you died with zero kills and Dan Rykert was on the team, and also gets a win without contributing and that sucks
• 19.713) You need an aux cord and you borrow one, it’s too short but it works and you can’t help but feel ungrateful that you were mad at it’s length, even for a fleeting moment
• 19.75) photo called “A Group of Teens Dabbing”
• 19.9) Food being cold at a restaurant, getting a new one, and a half-off discount.
• 20) 3^rd party off brand ass controllers even the good ones
• 21) Felix’s Talky Dentist
• 22) Having to go with button fly jeans at PAX and two stalls are broken
• 22.5) accidentally drinking 3 pulls of vodka when you are hungover, and have been puking.
• 22.75) Snakes on a Plane, The PAX Edition with props but the movie still sucks
• 23) Turn on the Fog Machine
• 23.5) Adam Boyes trying to buy his way to the front of the line only to get shut down in the face of needing to offer gainful employment
• 23.75) Weaing a tee shirt that says “Free Moustache Rides” to work, but inside out, thus ruining your goof and then ppl goof on you so bad and dunk on you so you need to quit but really you loved that job a lot and you regret that day so very deeply.
• 24) Smashing teeth while smashing
• 24.5) Having a catch phrase, period, and then on top of that it being “Kachow!”
• 24.75) An unexpected $82 bill from the Sheraton in Seattle for dry cleaning
• 25) San Fran aka my personal hell
• 25.5) Dropping an atomic bomb in a co-workers toilet at a party; toilet overflows; your new nickname at work is “Ass Load McGee”
• 25.7) The picachu official bus pass holder, and it’s his butt and its horrifying literally the worst thing I’ve ever seen. “It’s a Hellscape” – Jeff from Petaluma
• 25.9) dumb cats making dumb noises, they don’t have intent they don’t have brains just nerve centers
• 25.91) Being confused as shit when you buy water, and it says it’s non-gluten free, meaning it’s got glue or some shit in it? Glue is gluten right?
• 26) Not having sex
• 26.25) Getting shit on by a bird while looking at someone you admire, but you both just kind of go with it.
• 26.5) Taking a drink and getting a surprise cig in your mouth; being embarrassed in front of the other hunters
• 27) Red Wedding which we didn’t see so hopefully its not rad
• 29) Getting Roppongi’d over and over again and justifying it was a business expense
• 29.5) Cliff diving your way to a hemmeriod which I cant spell
• 30) Your teeth get bodied at Burger King by a single French fry
• 30.5) Your peacefully taking a dump, probably looking at your phone or some shit minding your own business, then this dude kicks the door open, pukes on you and punches you in the face into a coma
• 31) Almost losing your arm, and also, by the way, not getting to go to culinary school and losing a lot of money kind of maybe
• 31.5) Mario Party Infinity
• 31.75) Bust a Move, the Young MC Song not the video game
• 32) JV being a world class dick to someone he claims to be a good friend, neigh, brother. Why would you do that to me? Why?